SeverePorn

What kind of Asian celebrities can you find at NewAWMG? It’s a question that I could answer in at least a couple different ways. I could talk about how these ladies are depraved cock smokers, dick riders and pussy lickers. Alternately, I could name names, like Wonyoung, Kanna Hashimodo, Asuka Saito or Nanase Nishino. “But PornDude,” you might be thinking, “These babes have never been in so much as a leaked sex tape, let alone a full-on porno!” Well, my friends, I’ve got some good news for you.

Why do I always feel so fucking fancy when I watch French porno? I feel like I should pop a bottle of nice wine and eat some snails while I butter up my long, throbbing baguette. (For the neckbeards out there in mom’s basement, remember to scrape the fromunda cheese off first.) Somebody just sent me a link to Jacque et Michel Elite, so I’m in exactly that kind of mood.

Have you visited the Fap House lately? I ain’t talking about visiting your mother-in-law’s place, where your wife insists you’re not allowed to fuck in the guestroom, leading you to rub out load after load after explosive load in the bathroom. (“I swear, honey, I just have the shits from your mom’s meatloaf!”) I’m actually talking about a new premium site that popped up at the beginning of April. They made a ridiculously grand entrance into the online porn market, building up a following at a rate that would make just about any smut peddler jealous; a couple of months in, they’re already getting over 30 million visits a month.

Just Full Porn is honestly the only thing that will do sometimes, when those 12-minute sample clips and 30-second GIF loops just ain’t going to cut it. Sometimes, you just really want to settle in for a nice, long fap, and what better way than with a full-length porno sample that ain’t going to cut out right as you’re getting to your favorite part. Let’s face it: blue balls is a serious medical condition that requires immediate masturbatory attention, and some of those short scenes only manage to make the situation worse.

What’s the deal with most free porn sites only offering short clips? I hope vPorn, aka Porn One doesn't do this! What the fuck am I supposed to do with a video of some pornstar sucking a dick for three minutes with no cumshot? It sucks. I hate having to replay the good ones over and over again to even get anywhere in my jerk sesh. I need both hands. Then the sites that usually offer the full-length movies are sketchy as shit. It’s a constant struggle, and I am sure I’m not alone in my search for a free site with full-length porn vids without some sort of catch. Well, it’s time to stop settling for mediocre, short, poor quality porn videos, because your friend ThePornDude did some searching and may have found just what you’re looking for in a porn site.

“Yes, Porn Please XXX,” I said out loud as I drug myself from bed this morning, eyes blurry, hangover pounding and morning wood raging. It had been a long night, a bookend to an even longer weekend, and now Monday was upon me with all its demands and responsibilities. Sometimes, a man needs a hard reset in the form of an intense, porno-fueled fap session; other times, a man just needs to get off into a sock before starting the work week. Honestly, with me there’s a near-constant urge to stroke my aching boner, and that’s before I even sit down to start reviewing porn sites.