NoodleMagazine Horror

When the world’s first horror movie (Le Manoir du Diable) was made well over a century ago, do you think the creator could foresee how far the horror genre has come all these years later? And no, I’m not talking about shit like Nightmare on Elm Street, The Conjuring, and The Ring; I’m talking about the dark, exhilarating, and often downright perverse genre of horror porn!

You see when most normies think of porn, they imagine a well-lit studio in California with oiled-up sluts riding cock. Sure, that’s a great source of jerk-off material, but the far more ominous style of horror porn has increasingly found a place in the hearts of porn fans worldwide.

From borderline-psychotic and sexually-barbaric redneck families that are like a modern version of the Sawney Bean clan to Roswell-themed pornos that see an alien slut being fucked by some horny military doctors, there are few limits to the world of horror porn, and it’s one that I’ve delved into particularly deep.

A common question is where the best places to see horror porn in all its glory are, and I’ve been on a mission to find this out! Today, my journey into the bowels of porn darkness takes me between the thighs of Noodlemagazine.com. This site is said to have a thriving collection of horror porn videos, and I was about to slide into it and find out whether this is true or not!

The type of porn found here is definitely on the darker and more taboo end of the spectrum. Overall, it’s a very straightforward and bare-bones site, but I was happy to see that its array of horror porn located at Noodlemagazine.com/video/horror was pretty well populated!

However, I don’t want you putting your own cock through the same punishment as I put mine through, so allow me to cut the wheat from the chaff and introduce you to some of the horror porn highlights that are worth watching to get an idea of what this site has to offer.

●    The Prison of Hell - Fucking hell! When a pornstar agrees to get her head shaved in a scene, you know that bitch is dedicated! But getting a haircut that made her look like something from American History X was the least hardcore thing she’d have to do in this porno. This perverse horror porn video stars Brittany Bardot as a ruthless correctional officer who uses her female prisoners for sexual pleasure and sick amusement. After humiliating her hot blonde prisoners with her baton, she forces all of them to eat her pussy while her male colleague dumps his cum inside them all one by one. From pissing on prisoners while they get fucked to shaving the head of one disobedient slut, some truly hardcore shit takes place in this video!
●    The Roswell Experiment - You picked the wrong planet to land on, bitch! This porno is centered around a female alien who is taken to a military base and experimented on. When left alone with her, the male scientist can’t resist sticking his cock in her alien pussy (after all, who wouldn’t?) and fucks her raw before cumming all over her alien face. Damn, I hope this motherfucker didn’t catch some kind of intergalactic STD because that’s a hard one to explain!
●    Freddie Kruger Porn - A Nightmare on Elm Street gave a lot of people nightmares when it was first released, but this Freddie Kruger-inspired porno sheds a whole new light on his perverted side. Freddie has been hard at work invading people’s dreams and has built up a collection of female prisoners in a seedy dungeon he loves to fuck in the creepiest ways possible, like sucking the dirty feet of one chick while fucking another up the ass. And, no, he doesn’t finger any of them with those knife gloves he wears, thankfully!
●    Perverse Family - This exceptionally taboo porn studio comes from the Czech Republic. It is centered around a redneck family who is like a modern reimagining of the Sawney Bean Clan from Scotland. The women are all whores, the men are all perverts, and their sexual limits are pretty much non-existent. This is some downright dirty, taboo, and exceptionally perverted smut that is not for the faint-hearted. Again, Brittany Bardot stars in a lot of their content, and the studio was also responsible for one of her best scenes that saw her lying on her back after a hard day's work as the local whore. Her pussy is oozing cum, used condoms surround the bed, and she’s counting jizz-soaked dollar bills with a heavily-fucked look on her face. Iconic!

The videos in Noodlemagazine.com/video/horror are displayed in horizontal rows of four thumbnails with metadata covering the title, view count, and duration. There’s also a tiny HD logo in the top right corner of each video that signifies whether it’s available to view in HD quality. A filter menu lets you narrow down the video results according to duration, relevance, and whether it’s in HD.

The site's footer is very simple and home to some tags of recent searches, general terms of use, etc. When you click on a video to view it, it’s displayed in a large, smooth-running video player joined on the right by some non-intrusive third-party ads. Below the video is an about section followed by a selection of related videos to watch next.

This is a site that really isn’t shy about getting taboo, either. These horror porn videos are jam-packed with enough extreme content to ensure they remain in your head longer than The Exorcist did for your average nun!

The site is also fair when it comes to third-party ads. They don’t get in the way or intrude on your porn-viewing experience, which is always a positive in a world of porn tubes with increasingly overwhelming ad campaigns.

There’s a tonne of content to explore on Noodlemagazine.com/video/horror, but navigation of the videos is pretty straightforward, and everything loads fast. This is a no-frills porn site in terms of design, but it does what it needs to do. My only gripe was the lack of categories and search filters available, but I’ll cover that more in a second.

There’s also a lack of categories and search filters available. Noodlemagazine.com/video/horror is a great section, but finding it through the site is not easy. It would also be good to have a tags system in place that, for example, lets you find horror porn videos containing pornstars like Britanny Bardot or activities like watersports and BDSM.

Some of the site’s charm is in its simplicity, I get that. However, searching through all these videos isn’t easy when there are no dedicated pages to aid navigation through different categories, nor is there a tag system in place. If added, both of these would make exploring the site’s numerous videos and content themes far easier.

Overall, Noodlemagazine.com/video/horror is a badass corner of the internet to watch full-length horror porn video samples that are often in full HD. However, it could make some improvements to the site by making the language used more uniform and by adding a categories page and tags system to the site.

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