NoodleDude

I really thought Noodle Dude was going to be a sprawling directory of all the best pasta websites on the internet, each with a longform review full of useful info slathered with hilarious jokes, all delivered by a noodle-snorting mascot with a huge head. I was all ready to read writeups of the local ramen shops and Italian joints, thinking maybe this Noodle Dude would turn me on to some good shit I can show off to the Tinder ladies. I’m not sure if you know this, but a good bowl of high-end linguine or even a fancy bowl of truffle-infused mac and cheese can sometimes be the difference between getting laid by an internet stranger or going home alone to jack off again.

Turns out that ain’t quite what NoodleDude.io is all about. That might be bad news for the gourmands out there looking for a line on some good rigatoni, but it’s a lot better news for all the masturbators in the audience. Hell, the Noodle Dude pulled a million visits last month, and I don’t think he would have done that if he was just listing his favorite Chef Boyardee products. Nah, this clever, creative motherfucker is putting out original porn music videos. With the tagline “Turning TikTok Thots Into Pornstars Since 2021”, I had a feeling this was going to be some good shit.

Most of the TikTok porn sites out there are basically video tubes with a slightly different format, aping the instant accessibility and delivery you get from the real thing, but with way more naked chicks and humping. NoodleDude.io ain’t at all your typical TikTok porn site. If you’re looking for a big collection of the stuff, this ain’t it. The gimmick here is that he takes those same videos of the same girls and puts them into music videos.

If you’re totally illiterate and can’t understand any of the text on Noodle Dude’s front page, you might initially assume it’s just another tube. There are a few screen-shaped thumbnails of TikTok chicks and cosplay girls, just like you’d see on a tube. Click one, though, and you’ll immediately understand what the site is actually all about.

It’s worth noting here that NoodleDude.io is a labor of love, and I’m a big fan of adult sites run by one enthusiastic pervert who’s eager to share. While these type of sites tend to be light on quantity, that personal touch typically leads to a much higher and more consistent standard of quality. Noodle Dude’s own sexual interests will be reflected in the videos, of course, but he’s got pretty typical pornographic interests that’ll please most of you horny fuckers. On the FAQ page, he does list a few themes he won’t be using as a main focus, including cuckolding, BBW, trans, gay and pegging content. If you want music videos focusing on those kinks, perhaps it’s time to start your own porno music video site.

I hit the Play button. After a quick Noodle Dude PMVs logo, the music starts, synced to rapidly spliced shots of scantily clad TikTok chicks gassing their cars, checking themselves out, shaking their naked asses and flashing their tits out of the sunroof—not fucking bad for just the first ten seconds! It gets even better as it keeps going, too.

The editing is gorgeous. The shots are cut with the beats, obviously, but you can tell a lot of time, effort and talent went into this. It's not as simple or stupid as splicing in a new shot every measure, which would be the lazy way to do it. I love how he syncs his edits with the lyrics and emphasized beats, and also adjusts the speed of the cuts with the feel of the song. There’s a little breakdown in the middle where the music gets a little softer, and we’re treated to some longer, slower shots of a raven-haired beauty stroking a cock. That’s fucking art!

Honestly, it’s even harder to do these videos justice in writing than it is with the usual non-musical porn videos I review around here. It’s an audio/video media that needs to be seen and heard to be understood completely. I think you already know that, because my website is usually just a quick pit stop before you actually start shaking your dick at the screen.

If you like what you see, there’s a Download button beneath each of the porn music videos on NoodleDude. The files are hosted on Mega.nz, which offers some of the better download speeds as far as file locker services go, but isn’t exactly lightning fast. Still, a few minutes of waiting shouldn’t be a dealbreaker for anybody. You could opt for a premium Mega account for some better perks, but I think your money is better spent supporting NoodleDude.io and the actual Noodle Dude behind it.

There are three membership tiers, starting with four bucks a month for the Noodler plan. That gets you access to work-in-progress previews, uncompressed MOV exports, and the right to vote in polls about themes and editing choices. Twenty bones a month makes you a Connoisseur, which also gets you project file and source footage access. For a hundo, you get Legend status. Legends get everything the other members get, plus ten seconds per month of custom edits. Subscribe for 6 months and that adds up to a custom minute-long porno music video. Fuck, I’m already getting some filthy ideas!

My only small complaint about Noodle Dude is just that, as a one-man show, the library is pretty small. There’s a new movie coming out in about a month, which will bring the total number of porn music videos to eight. This next one is going to be the longest at eight and a half minutes, but that’s still not a lot of content compared to just about any random porn site out there. If you’re beating off to dirty movies every day, these might not even last you a week.

I guess we’ll all just have to keep coming back to see what’s new, huh? While NoodleDude.io doesn’t have the biggest or most frequently updated dirty movie collection in the world, they may well have the most well-stocked library of original TikTok porn music videos. This is a pretty fucking unique niche that Noodle Dude has carved out for himself, after all. I’d actually like to see more creators get into the game and start making their own musical masturbatory movies, but I don’t think anybody’s going to unseat this king anytime soon.

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