FapHouse

Have you visited the Fap House lately? I ain’t talking about visiting your mother-in-law’s place, where your wife insists you’re not allowed to fuck in the guestroom, leading you to rub out load after load after explosive load in the bathroom. (“I swear, honey, I just have the shits from your mom’s meatloaf!”) I’m actually talking about a new premium site that popped up at the beginning of April. They made a ridiculously grand entrance into the online porn market, building up a following at a rate that would make just about any smut peddler jealous; a couple of months in, they’re already getting over 30 million visits a month.

So, what’s the fucking Faphouse.com secret? Well, figuring it out is one of my goals this morning, along with filling up this old gym sock with sperm. I have a feeling the key to their success might be in their main gimmick: they’re offering full-length pornos from a ton of sources for one price. I’ve always been a sucker for a deal, especially one that’s going to make my morning fap routines even more productive. Without any further ado, let me lube up the ol’ Johnson and take a look.

Another thing that made me think it was a tube was that they’ve got videos from a ton of big names in smut. The premium networks will often consolidate their different brands under one umbrella, while tubes usually offer an even wider range on account of all the samples. As soon as I hit the Faphouse landing page, I saw movies from Pure Taboo, Girlsway, Sis Loves Me, Kink, and Girlfriend Films. A quick visit to the Studios section finds a list of nearly 5,000 studios, including a lot of major players like Shoplyfter, Naughty America, Jules Jordan, Analized and Blacked. If you watch porn, you will recognize a ton of them.

It goes without saying that when they’re publishing content from so many well-known studios, they’ve also got a ton of well-known pornstars. I tried typing my favorites into the search bar and got a nice load of results for nearly every babe I tried, from Abella Danger to Brooklyn Gray, Riley Reid to Mia Malkova, Krystal Swift to Estella Bathory. The only notable exception was Mia Khalifa, but you’ve got to remember, she actually only shot a couple of movies in her short time in the full-on porn movie business.

Another thing that made me suspect it was a free tube was the wide range of sex genres and fetishes they’re catering to. Paysites often have a theme, but these guys are all over the fucking place. There’s stepsister lesbian sex, anal with the boss’s husband, interracial creampies, hardcore group BDSM, German orgies, pregnant moms arranging for their unborn to meet a big-ass, one-eyed snake monster in the womb, and even a handful of pee scenes. That’s all on the front page!

Of course, if you’ve got a trained eye like I do, there are some giveaways that this is a premium site. One of the biggest is that the film lengths are stamped on all the thumbnails out front, and they’re all full-length movies. You get that sometimes on the crappy tubes, but they usually come with a half-ass, last-gen presentation and a whole fucking fuck-ton of spam. This site is clean as hell, at least with regards to the layout, though the flicks are just as dirty as you perverts were hoping.

After gawking at the short, looping preview for a Mommy’s Girl flick with Scarlett Sage and Jelena Jensen, I was hard as a rock and dripping in my drawers. The girls were making out, scissoring, sucking toes and titties, and having pink tacos for lunch. I really wanted to see the whole thing, so what’s a horny dude to do? I clicked that GET FULL VIDEO button to see what it’d cost me.

Given how many studios were on the menu and how all the flicks are long, I was really expecting Faphouse.com memberships to cost the industry-standard thirty bucks you pay for a month at most any paysite. It turns out Faphouse is way cheaper than your typical premium spot. The regular price is just ten bucks a month, with a yearly rate that breaks down to just six. Their lifetime rate is fifty bucks more than I’m charging over at PornDudeCasting, but it’s still a good price to get into that all-you-can fap smut buffet until you’re dead in the ground or your dick stops working.

The question after looking at the price of any paysite is, “Well, how much do you get for that price?” Dudes, this shit is fucking wild. The site’s only been live for a couple of months, but they’ve already got over 300,000 videos in the collection. (The signup page lists almost 200k, but they’re growing so fast that’s already inaccurate.) Like any good paysite, they’re regularly adding to the pile, and they’re going a lot harder than any other paysite I can think of. I like to see at least one update a week if I’m spending money, but Faphouse.com is adding 200 new videos every day.

I decided to start my official Faphouse.com fap test with a movie added just yesterday. It’s an hour-long Pure Taboo movie called Teen Fucked By Best Friend’s Parents At Family Holiday (18+). The site obviously ain’t skimping on bandwidth, because it started playing smoothly in HD as soon as I hit the Play button. It doesn’t go up to 4k, but the 1080p looks gorgeous on my laptop.

If you’re familiar with Pure Taboo, you already know they have high production values and a cinematic style. After a long setup, we finally see our heroine in bed with her friend’s parents. The action really kicks off around the 17-minute mark, when the panties finally come off and the pussy-eating commences. I can’t help thinking the male talent looks a lot like a younger version of famous crazy dead man John McAfee, but good god, it’s a fantastic fuck flick.

I think OnlyFans has brought back the trend of paysites going the streaming-only route, but Faphouse surprised me by including downloads with the membership. That makes it an even better value for anybody looking to build up their offline porn library for when society collapses completely. You’ll be able to barter those SD cards for food, gasoline and ammunition, and you’ll get a lot of good faps in.

Faphouse.com is an absolute winner in my book. This is easily one of the best values I’ve seen in pornography recently, which goes a long way in explaining how their traffic blew up immediately after launch. The catalog is wide-ranging, featuring some of the best studios and pornstars in the game, with movies in just about any genre. Even the deep-niche fetish freaks are going to have a blast with this one. Seriously, folks, just go check it out. You can browse the whole catalog before pulling the trigger, and I have a feeling you’re going to love what you see.

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